dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I lost the right to judge tonight
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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