Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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