sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
