I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
