I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
