cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
