Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
