you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
