and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
