You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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