You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
