Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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