Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
