Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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