you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
