Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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