So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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