my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
