the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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