the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
