threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
