i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
