Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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