I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
