either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
