i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
