The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
