hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
