"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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