I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
