My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
