He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
