my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
