Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to have your abortion
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
