Just cropdusted the office
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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