I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you win again, gameday.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
