i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
