tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
