at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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