Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
