He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
