he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
