I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
