Christians are straight up FREAKS
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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