dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
