that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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