she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm at about main and main street
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
