How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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