So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
