i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
