At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
