the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
