If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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