i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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