i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
