so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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