u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
