Pants 0. Shit 1.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
