on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
