I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
